My Wish List

I was selected to be a part of a "love & relationships" forum this weekend. Because of this, it has me reflecting on my own relationship, or lack thereof and what I would need in one to feel fulfilled. It has been said that if you have goals or wishes, they are far more likely to be brought to fruition if you write them down. Having said that, I've never been one to chart my ideas of what I want in a man, but I'm thinking now would be a good time to start. With the highest hopes that I don't sound bitter or like a woman scorned, know that I have been in one long-term relationship or another for most of my (adult) life. I've even been married. In all of the relationships, I've never gotten what I wanted/needed: and that's to be taken care of. No, I don't mean monetarily, or even emotionally, what I mean is that I've always wanted to be taken care of figuratively in every aspect (is that too much to ask?!). I have probably never voiced that to the masses. I'm so independent that I've been afraid that I would come across as being incapable of taking care of myself. Which trust me, I do a damn good job of taking care of myself and others too for that matter. I think that's how I always end up feeling like no one is taking care of me. I want that security....I want to to know if I fall that there will be someone to catch me. If I lose my job, someone will be there to help support me. If I'm sick, there to make me soup. If I'm having an awful day, there to rub my back and comfort me...etc. I want someone to say "I got you baby." Better yet, show me.
With all this said, I guess I should go ahead and get into my list (and this isn't listed in order of importance)
1. A God-fearing man: I want someone to love the Lord so much that he lives for Him. That way, he can truly love me unconditionally. That way he can love the hell out of my life. We can walk...together.
2. A Trust-worthy man: If I can't trust him, I can't be with him point-blank, period.
3. A Man Who is My Friend: I'm so on the fence about this because in my last relationship, I was literally with my best friend. I told him everything. I laughed with him, cried with him, valued his opinion and just "was" with him. When it was over, the lines were blurred. "What part of this is really friendship and what part of this conversation is because I love you?" In any case, I think everyone should experience a love with someone who they are close to outside of just being "in-love" with them.
4. An Attractive Man: Yup, it may sound superficial, but since this is MY list, there's no need to front. I want to be able to look at my man and see the most beautiful person if only to me. I want to wake up to him and get lost in him. And I want him to feel the same about me. For the most part, I haven't had a problem in this area.
5. A Goal-Driven Man: Anyone who knows me knows that I am a pretty determined, goal-oriented person. I make a goal, and I like to reach it. I've had relationships with people who let circumstance or happenstance determine how their situations will play out. I'm not that chick. I keep going. If it's what I want, I will ultimately get it or die trying.
6. An Honest man: I know some may think this is interchangeable with being trustworthy, but that's how much I need someone genuine. Tell me the truth and let me decide things on my own. Don't lie and try to make my mind up for me. I'll give you the same respect.
7. A Thoughtful Man: I'm a rather thoughtful person. Most of the time I think of others before I even think of myself. I would love continued reciprocity. And I don't mean do it for me, because I do it for you. Do it because you want to show me how much you care. I thought I had this once. Random emails and messages throughout the day and occasional cards "just because" but that fizzled out soon like pop-rocks.
8. An ATTENTIVE, AFFECTIONATE man: I'm a very affectionate person. I'm touchy-feely. If I care for you, I will rub all up on you (not even noticing). I don't need anyone up under me 24/7, but I do like a caress or just to rest your hand on my back. Take my foot and rub it. Some type of physical display of you wanting to touch me. And as far as being attentive goes, I work hard to keep myself up. I want my man to notice. This is one (well 2) areas that one of my exes is good for. This was actually the one I fell for and married. It was because of how attentive and affectionate he was that I was like "Ok, I'm in!"
9. A Funny Man: So, I'm a clown. I'm not witty, not clever but I love to laugh and will laugh at virtually anything. I find humor soothing. I've been through too much to take life too seriously. I will laugh at myself. I need for my man to laugh with and perhaps even at me. I've had this a couple of times too. It was refreshing.
10. A Man Who Puts Me First: I may be the only person in the world who hates Beyonce's "Love on Top" song and it may very well be because I've NEVER had that. Granted when I say first, I know that that may mean 2nd, or 3rd or after business, family, or whatever, and I'm ok with that. If you have a job that's demanding, I get it. If you have kids, I get it...but after ALL of that is situated, I need you to make-up to me what you've missed with your prior obligation. Figure out some things so that I don't ALWAYS come last or at least include me in what you possibly can and make me feel like I actually matter. I have obligations too, work and otherwise, but rest assured my man's comfort and peace of mind are going to play a part in how I choose to handle my business. One thing that my prior relationships have taught me is that it's not all about me.
Well, there you have it. It is probably more likely that I get hit by lightning 4 times in the same place than to have a man with all of these qualities find me, but oh well. At least I finally put it out there. It has finally been written. I'm leaving it alone. Though I'm not looking, I'm not losing hope. After all, once you stop looking for your keys, isn't that when you usually find them?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPgf2meEX1w&ob=av2n